I am not my feelings. I have feelings.
I am not my thoughts. I have thoughts.
I am not my experiences. I have experiences.
This begs the question…Who am I?
As a child, Lily loved to color. She had the BIG Crayola box! (You know the one.) With tons and tons of colors. Every color of the rainbow and dozens in between. Her imagination came to life as she played with all of the different colors. Sometimes she would make a flower green, or the dirt blue, or the sky purple.
She spent many happy hours filling her coloring books with every color available to her. The coloring and creativity brought her joy. The kind of childlike happiness that most of us long to restore today.
One day her sister discovered Lily’s coloring books. Her sister took a big red pen and marked giant X’s where Lily had colored outside of the lines. She marked X’s where the colors weren’t “right.” Every green flower and purple sky were slashed through with giant red X’s. Lily was crushed.
Can you relate to this story? I can. Somewhere a long time ago, from an experience long past, I created the story that I needed to be perfect. The perfect daughter, sister, wife, stepmom, friend, yogi.
There is a fervency to every task I attempt, it must be perfect! It never is. Everything falls a little short. Nothing ever seems good enough. I always think I could have done a little better, a little more. And so, I’ve been a hamster on a wheel for 37 years.
Thich Nhat Hahn says, "No mud, no lotus." This blog will is my personal journey through the mud. It is my personal desire to answer the four soul questions:
Who am I?
What do I want?
What is my purpose?
What am I grateful for?